Psalm 127:3 NKJV Behold, children [are] a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb [is] a reward.
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Parents Responsibility
Parents have a responsibility to raise their children. As much is humanly possible, we are
B1 To teach them the Scriptures and the Christian faith
B2 To develop them into mature, adults
B3 To be independent in taking care of themselves having basic life skills
B4 To be emotionally stable
B5 To be handle satisfaction, success, and disappointments
Parents Decide Together
The importance of dad and mom deciding on a plan together before you have children.
B1 How to punish.
C1 One swat is enough. Make sure you mean business. Make sure the child knows WHY they are being punished.
D1 That one swat is a punishment. It is the consequence of deliberate disobedience. The child was warned but did not obey.
D2 As the children grow older, the swat needs to not be used.
C2 Find out what is the best punishment for each child. God used different methods of discipline. Jonah was thrown out of a ship (Jonah 1). King Manasseh was put in prison (2 Chronicles 33). Peter was warming himself by the fire (Mark 14:66-72). Thomas received a rebuke (John 20:27).
C3 For some children, a scowl is enough, and for others it will be something taken away (privileges, etc.). For some, it will be time out. Discuss this with your spouse!!!
C4 Spilled milk is not to be punished unless it was on purpose. These kinds of accidents are not a deliberate disobedience.
C5 Bible verses:
D1 Provoking to anger is interaction with your children which makes them angry. We must listen to what they are saying. It is an crucial step. An example would be to discipline them without telling them the clear rules before discipline and/or why they are being disciplined. We must be careful not to abuse our discipline. We shouldn’t be punishing a child because of their opinion.
E1 The goal of discipline is for edification, training, showing the consequences of choices. Ephesians 6:4 NLT Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
E2 They may lose heart, that is, they will quit trying. Colossians 3:21 NRSV Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart.
E3 Deuteronomy 28 God gives Israel the consequences of good choices as well as the consequences of evil choices. We need to be mindful of this in raising our children.
D2 Discipline is for training. It is to teach that the rule broken must be punished. It is for edification, not destruction. Punishment does not mean physical. Proverbs 22:6 NLT Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
B2 What the house rules will be.
C1 One rule we had was after each meal we brush our teeth. Those who do not brush their teeth, do not get dessert after the next meal that has a dessert. One time I forgot, so I didn’t get dessert either. Be consistent.
C2 Everyone sits at the table to eat and stays there until all have finished. I know sometimes it can’t be done but should be at least 90-95% of the time.
C3 Only ten minutes in the bathroom for elimination. Only 20 minutes at shower time. Don’t carry a stopwatch for this. The parents must follow the same rules. If you have only one bathroom and 11 living in the house, you understand what I’m saying.
C4 Decide together on your own household rules and be consistent.
C5 Don’t be so legalistic about it, that you carry a time watch. Mercy is useful. Things happen.
C6 Don’t interrupt others when they are talking.
C7 Going to bed and getting up consistent hours.
C8 Meals are completed before dessert. No excuses.
C9 Must eat what is served, so teach them appropriate amounts or help them when young.
C10 Parents usually must follow the same rules as the children.
B3 We need to support our spouse even if you disagree with a decision. Do not overrule them. For if you do, the child will play each of you against each other. Then, you and your spouse will fight and argue.
B4 If there is an issue that you have not decided on beforehand, then discuss and agree in private (if possible).
B5 You are a parent, not their best friend. You have your friends; they have theirs.
“Above all, remember these words: Parents are not pals. In all your discussions and decisions, be careful not to cross the line from parenthood to friendship. Your job is not to be your child’s friend, but to be your child’s teacher, and source of parental love and discipline, to establish standards of conduct and to provide your child with a moral compass. Your children will not thank you for being a pal; at some point, they may wonder whether you care enough about them to be a parent.” (Source)
B6 Articles:
C1 It’s More Important to be Their Parent than Their Friend
C2 Be Your Kid’s Best Parent, Not Their Best Friend!
C3 7 Christian Family Rules For Teenagers
C4 25 Ways to Provoke Our Children to Anger
C5 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do
Protecting Children
The importance of protecting your children
B1 Don’t be a helicopter parent.
C1 This is defined as Some studies have shown that overprotective, overbearing or over-controlling parents can cause long-term mental health problems for their offspring. (Source) [Emphasis is mine]
C2 There are consequences of this as difficulty developing problem solving skills, independence when they are adults, self-control, not learning mature responses to failure, etc. You might want to ready the experience of a former helicopter parent here.
B2 Know who their friends are. Screen them. 1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."
B3 Don’t let them barricade themselves in their bedroom.
B4 They need to do chores and work around the house even when they are in high school.
B5 Limit social media when they are young and continue it. When they leave home, then it is their own responsibility.
B6 Some character traits we must teach and do—love, listen, patience, contentment, thankfulness, giving credit for work well done, helping others, compassion, gentleness, etc. What we instruct, we must practice.
B7 Some life skills we must teach and do—
C1 Around home: cook a meal, sew a button, put out a frying pan fire, wash a window, wash clothes, clean house, organize your things,
C2 Around a car: change a tire, jump the battery, change windshield wipers, add air to a tire, thaw a frozen door, how to change oil, how to not be ripped off by a cheating mechanic
C3 Around the house care—unplug a toilet, shut off the water to the house or at least to a toilet or water heater, use a fire extinguisher, get out of a house that is on fire, where to go in a severe storm or earthquake, how to mow the lawn, how to use a hammer, drill, saw, etc.
C4 Medically—lifesaver CPR, stay calm in an emergency, what to do with an overdose, how to stop a nosebleed, how to stop a bleed from an accident,
B7 Articles:
C1 5 Ways to Not Be Helicopter Parents
C2 The Effects of "Helicopter Parenting"
C3 10 Areas of Essential Life Skills for Teens
C4 Do Hard Things – 11 Ways to Help Our Boys Become Responsible Men
Spiritual Teaching
The importance of Spiritual teaching
B1 Regular church attendance of both parents and children.
B2 Regular devotions and prayer with you children.
B3 Listen to them. Do not interrupt them.
B4 Answer their questions. Do not use phrases as “because we say so, just believe the Bible, that’s the way we have always done it,” etc.
B5 Have your own Bible reading, study, prayer. Be consistent. Others are watching.
B6 The importance of being thankful and giving God credit for what He does and provides.
B7 The importance of being humble and not bullying to get your own way.
B8 Go out of your way to do something nice for your spouse and/or children. Let it be spontaneous. It doesn’t always need to be a gift; it can be assisting them in something.
B9 Pray for your children. Let them hear you.
B10 Memorize Bible verses together.
B11 Consider: Psalm 78:4-8.
B11 Articles:
C1 Daily Quiet Time Bible Study (This study is from 28 Aug 20)
C2 How to Start Your Family Bible Study (This emphasizes Logos Software and the Faithlife Study Bible, which you may want or not. I use Linux only, so it is of no use to me, though the Faithlife Study Bible has an Android app and online version). See also 45 Topical Bible Reading Plans from the same blog.
C3 15 Bible Verses for Every Christian to Memorize
Obedience
The importance of obedience
B1 Starts at birth
C1 The parent is the authority, if you will, over the child. When a child needs a diaper change, it happens. Needs a bath? It is done. The child may holler, kick, put up all sorts of a fuss, but the diaper does get changed and the bath is completed.
C2 What is started at birth, needs to be continued. You have a good start, so why change and give in to your child when they fuss, whine, make excuses, etc. You did not give in when they were infants, so why start now?
B2 Teaching them to sit in a chair at 2 years old.
C1 It is possible.
C2 They learn self-control.
C3 It takes patience and time. My wife and I did this. There is no need to punish, just keep them there. Start by holding them still on your lap. This can be done in church, etc. Then, you can use that as a start.
B3 Let them choose their own clothes to wear when they are 4 years old or so. They might not match, but they will learn.
B4 This is a long topic depending on the age group, so I written very little.
B5 In the Scriptures, corporeal punishment is usually the last resort. First are corrections, then rebukes, letting them face the consequences of wrong decisions, etc.
B6 Children need to be shown patience, grace, and mercy like adults need. Don’t be overly strict.
B7 Don’t punish in anger. Wait a few minutes.
B8 If they are acting out, it may be something else is wrong. It may not be disobedience. It may be they are trying to get your attention for something.
B7 Articles:
C1 How to Teach Your Child Obedience (without Raising a Legalist)
C2 10 Things I Learned about Parenting from Supernanny
C3 Parenting: Respect Starts at Home
C4 10 things you must know when ministering to the child of divorce (or any child)
C5 Questions single parents have about disciplining their kids: how you can help
C6 Question of the week: Should we kick kids out of church?
C7 Searching here might help, too.
Self-control
The importance of self-control
B1 Children are not to verbally abuse their parents. You set the example by not verbally abusing your spouse as well as not verbally abusing your children.
B2 Anger is ok. Listen to them and understand the reasons. Don’t interrupt except to clarify. Don’t start giving advice—listen! There is a limit to anger: Ephesians 4:26 ESV Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.
B3 Physically fighting the parent is not to be allowed.
B4 One warning is enough. Be consistent or the child will know they can continue without obeying you until you have said it 5 times or whatever. They are smarter than you.
B5 Have a routine, listen, don’t change the routine much or the child might start manipulating you by reminding you of the times you did not follow it. Stick to it. Don’t give in. For example, the child is hungry, and it is 30 minutes before supper. Supper is being prepared, but the child wants food NOW!!!! Sometimes it helps to assign a chore to them, which will help get supper ready faster.
B6 With older children
C1 Point out the truth—they are out of control with the reality that yes, I am out-of-control. They must admit this.
C2 Ask, “How has this behavior affected you and/or your family and friends?”
C3 Then they need to recognize when they are out-of-control.
C4 There will be failures. Keeping at self-control until it becomes a habit.
C5 Encourage them. “You had a hard day, and kept your cool. Good job!”
B7 Articles:
C1 From managing impulsive behavior, resisting distractions, and learning the art of delayed gratification, to regulating emotions in the face of conflict and feelings of discomfort, self-regulatory behavior is key to success in all areas of our lives, and since children with poor self-control tend to exhibit more behavioral problems than their self-disciplined peers, teaching children self-control is more important than parents might think. (Source: How to Teach Children Self-Control: 7+ Self-Discipline Strategies for Kids)
C2 Developing Self-Control in our Children
Remember: Links are not necessarily endorsed. Always be cautious.
Priorities
The importance of priorities
B1 God is the highest priority (Matthew 6:33). If a government demands us to disobey God, then we must disobey the government.
B2 Your spouse is a higher priority than the children.
B3 Your children are more important than your neighbor’s children.
B4 Work (as in chores, employment, etc.) is more important than pleasure. So also, for obligations (paying bills) and responsibilities.
B5 One of the biggest influences in teaching our children how to set priorities is to make sure we know what the priorities are and practice them consistently.
B6 Bible verses:
C1 Luke 12:34 EMTV For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
C2 Working too much is hard on the health, especially spiritual health. Psalms 127:2 ERV It is a waste of time to get up early and stay up late, trying to make a living. The Lord provides for those he loves, even while they are sleeping.
Good Habits
The importance of good habits
B1 Consistent good character traits like kindness, responsibility, compassion, being steadfast are best. Realize that no one is perfect. Practice what you preach. Children don’t like a hypocritical parent.
B2 Have a list of good habits, prioritize them, practice them, have a routine with them, be consistent, etc. Teach these. Play games practicing them.
B3 Good has been defined by God. Mark 10:18 NET Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.
B4 God first, so pray, read, and study your Bible, attend fellowship regularly.
B5 Our spouse is our second priority, so
C1 Show the thoughts, desires, words, and actions of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 WEL Love is very patient and kind; love is not envious; love doesn’t brag about itself, is not haughty, 5 Doesn’t behave improperly, is not self-seeking; love isn’t easily aggravated, doesn’t keep a list of wrongs, 6 Doesn’t rejoice in injustice, but rejoices with the truth, 7 Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, calmly endures all things. 8 Love never falls away...
C2 Take the 5 Love Language test and do it.
C3 Pray, read, and study your Bible, attend fellowship regularly with your spouse.
C4 Show your love to your spouse openly.
C5 Your spouse is more important than your children.
B6 Your children are next priority.
C1 It might be helpful to take the 5 Love Language test for children, too.
C2 You might want to read How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell.
Listening
The importance of listening
B1 Parents listening to their children
C1 Put down the phone, the computer, the book, etc. and listen. Clarify when you must. If you are only pretending to listen, you have just insulted your child. God listens to you, so you follow the example and listen to them.
C2 Believe them. If they say they have been molested, believe them. Notify law enforcement and let them decide if it is true or not.
C3 Just hearing them is not listening. You must know what they are saying and understanding it. Clarify if needed.
C4 You show love by listening.
C5 Just because you listen doesn’t mean you agree with them. Believe them but have a little skepticism. Children have been known to lie.
C6 Read James 1:19, Proverbs 18:13, Proverbs 18:2, and Psalm 116:1-2.
B2 Children listening to their parents
B3 Articles:
C1 4 Secrets Therapists Use to Be a Great Listener
Truth
The importance of truth
B1 Teach them what truth is.
C1 The Bible definition is reality, the simple correspondence theory.
C2 If I hit my thumb with a hammer, it hurts. I say, “That hurts.” Truth is reality.
B2 Do truth yourself in thoughts, desires, words, and deeds.
C1 Our yes must be yes, and our no must be no.
C2 We must confess our sin, mistakes, errors, etc. We must be truthful.
C3 We want the truth, so we must speak the truth. Zechariah 8:16 NIV These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts.
C4 Let us remember: 1 John 1:10 NIV If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.
C5 Self-deception is a common lie but may have eternal consequences.
B3 Older children do not someone lying to them. Remind them of that fact.
B4 Teach them the consequences of lying.
C1 Distrust
C2 Disrespect (they know we are a liar)
C3 Suspicion
C4 Loss (money, belongings, etc.)
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